Here We Go Again

I apologize for the lack of entries lately. I really do have a reason!

Dan came home from being out to sea for 5 days on Thursday. It was awesome. I went to the base to pick him up and ran to him like he had just come home from a deployment. The joy, relief, and love I felt at that moment was amazing. I had made it through the first work-up! I was still alive! Dan and I spent an amazing weekend in each others arms and saying corny little "I love yous" to each other.

On Monday morning at 4:15am we woke to the alarm yelling, "It's time to rip your heart out again!!! WAKE UP!" *Sigh* Somehow I rolled myself out of bed, packed the car, and drove my husband to the ship again. This time he would be gone for 2 weeks. 14 days. It doesn't seem like much until you go through it. I drove to the pier and stared at the huge hunk of metal that would be taking my husband away. Half of me felt pride and love for our country and those who serve while the other half felt disgusted, hatred, and annoyance. I sucked it up, hugged my husband, cried a bit, and watched him walk away. Now it was time for a 9 1/2 hour drive to Canton. I'll be here for a week so please excuse the lack of posts.

Tomorrow I will be visiting my beautiful God daughter Caelan for the first time. I cannot wait to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her.

No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard either.

I knew when I said "I do" that I was saying it to a military lifestyle. That I was saying it to many nights alone, many fears about my husbands safety, and the unpredictable-ness of the Navy. I knew I would be frustrated with the underway schedules, depressed about the deployments, and extremely emotional. I also knew that I loved the man standing in front of me more than life itself. I knew he was the person who made me live, laugh, and love. I knew he was worth it. What I didn't know, was that it was going to take every ounce of strength inside me to get through it.

For the past 6 or 7 months Dan's ship has been docked at a local shipyard for maintenance. No underways, no deployments, just me and my husband at home together. It's been amazing having him home all of this time. Yes, the occasional duty day (24 hour work day) sucked, but I knew he'd be home the next day. Today started a year full of Dan being gone. The ship is getting ready for a deployment in February which means many months of preparing for it. They'll leave for 2 weeks, come home for a few days, and then leave for 4 weeks. It's a constant in and out and they're out WAY more than they're in. On top of that, they change the schedule so much you never know what's going on. It's frustrating, irritating, and stressful.

Dan's gone until Thursday. He'll be home for 2-3 days and then he'll be gone for 2 weeks. Dropping him off at the shipyard today was one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt like crawling into a ball and crying myself to sleep when I got home. I hate being alone. This will be a very very difficult 11 months.

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