I knew when I said "I do" that I was saying it to a military lifestyle. That I was saying it to many nights alone, many fears about my husbands safety, and the unpredictable-ness of the Navy. I knew I would be frustrated with the underway schedules, depressed about the deployments, and extremely emotional. I also knew that I loved the man standing in front of me more than life itself. I knew he was the person who made me live, laugh, and love. I knew he was worth it. What I didn't know, was that it was going to take every ounce of strength inside me to get through it.
For the past 6 or 7 months Dan's ship has been docked at a local shipyard for maintenance. No underways, no deployments, just me and my husband at home together. It's been amazing having him home all of this time. Yes, the occasional duty day (24 hour work day) sucked, but I knew he'd be home the next day. Today started a year full of Dan being gone. The ship is getting ready for a deployment in February which means many months of preparing for it. They'll leave for 2 weeks, come home for a few days, and then leave for 4 weeks. It's a constant in and out and they're out WAY more than they're in. On top of that, they change the schedule so much you never know what's going on. It's frustrating, irritating, and stressful.
Dan's gone until Thursday. He'll be home for 2-3 days and then he'll be gone for 2 weeks. Dropping him off at the shipyard today was one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt like crawling into a ball and crying myself to sleep when I got home. I hate being alone. This will be a very very difficult 11 months.